Grief is such a process.
It comes with so many ups and downs. Twists and turns. Hopes and disappointments. Tears, fears. I saw this little photo today, and it reminded me that even in the moments when it feels like life has fallen apart beyond repair, it's not the end. I'm still here, breathing.
I also saw a post on faceb**k the other day that got me thinking.
The woman described her recent experience of miscarriage, the pain she experienced physically and emotionally, and the need she felt in having to move on in life. She said,
"But like any busy mom, wife and professional would, I pulled myself together and tried to put the pieces of my crazy life back together. It seemingly worked, until today. Anniversaries of loss stimulate the body to grieve."
I realised that many of you can probably relate to this too.
Even if you haven't had a miscarriage, I imagine you can relate to the feeling of 'pulling yourself together', 'trying to put the pieces of life back together'.
It made me sad to read of this woman's experience, of what seems like her need to 'put life back together' and 'pull herself together'. It made me sad because it's in our brokenness and 'mess', in our pain and vulnerability that we are able to process loss. It's in the falling apart (and allowing ourselves to) that rebuilding can actually begin to take place. It's in the surrender and the letting go that we are able to come to a place of peace with our circumstances, and move into a place of trust and hope for what will come.
The last week has felt like a rebuilding process for me. After moving through grief in such an accelerated way (read more about that here), I've been rebuilding the parts of me that I feel I may have lost. I've been inquiring into the areas of my life that have not been in full alignment with my integrity, and have been once again reminded of the ways in which I have the capacity to nurture and love myself deeply.
Through the loss of my partner, I've come to find the balance of the masculine and feminine in myself, and the ways in which they (these aspects of my whole Self) support and sustain each other. The feminine nurtures the masculine through providing food, making space for meditation, self-care, and contemplation. The masculine supports the ease and flow of the feminine by taking action in my business, by moving forward in the tasks and commitments of my life while transition through this time of loss.
If you're wanting to explore that balance of these aspects of yourself, and how to move through grief in a holistic and empowered way, I want to invite you to join me for a 5-week journey of storytelling, contemplation, creative expression, self-nurturing and a commitment towards healing yourSelf. To apply for your spot in this 5-week course, click here.