This past week I've been battling sickness and trying to get well.
I spent several days in bed due to lethargy, a nose that was oscillating between being blocked and runny, hot & cold flashes, and achey muscles all over. In between these days in bed, I pushed myself to go to work... but clearly I wasn't well yet.
Last Friday I flew north to visit to my partner's sister, and found myself crying mid-flight due to just feeling so 'over it' from being sick. I wanted to be able to breathe easily, I wanted to stop having to constantly have tissues at hand, for my body to not be so achey, and not have to be continually trying to gauge whether my body was hot or cold. I let out silent tears as the plane began to make it descent to our destination. Thankfully we'd only spent an hour in the air. My partner encouraged me to 'stay strong', but i shook my head and let the tears fall from my eyes.
What was this all about? How could I be so upset from feeling sick? It'd only been two and half days... My curiosity began to grow.
Later that night I lay in bed ... still curious about this growing frustration.
I felt so out of sorts. Felt like something was 'wrong' with me... more than just a 'normal' sickness.
I sensed that I needed to release.
To let out this frustration and these blocked feelings that I didn't really understand. I allowed my curiosity to take me into this frustration and began to cry. Deep, hollowing cries. I sat up, toes tucked beneath my bum, pillow hugged up close to my chest and face. And I let it out...
I let out the frustration of my body not being in an optimal state. I let out the feelings of not being able to have a good time with my partner, his sister, and their cousins who'd also come to visit. And as I cried, I began to find clarity in the frustration.
I was taken back to my grief.
As tears (and snot) flowed, my voice crying loudly but muffled by the pillow, I began to feel anger and sadness for the absence of my ex-partner in the grieving of our child that miscarried. I realised that the blocked nose (my strongest symptom) was indicating to me these emotions that had been blocked, stuffed away in my heart. And now it was time to let it all out. In order for my physical healing to progress, I felt so clearly I needed to release these emotions.
I learned the importance of being attuned to my body. Not just in the physical signs, but also in what it might be communicating to me in the metaphysical. Sure enough, after I had let out all the tears, the frustration, the crying... I blew my nose and wiped my face, and felt a sense of release begin to happen in my body. When I awoke in the morning, much of my sickness had dissipated and I was no longer blocked in my sinuses.
It's not always easy to allow ourselves to go into the depths of our emotions, but as I've said before it's so so necessary for our health and vitality. My 5-week course is an opportunity for you to explore more deeply the depths of your emotions, grief and pain.
It's not enough to just sit in the experience of loss as a victim.
It's not enough to try to pull yourself back together and push forward.
In order to really have lasting peace and healing in your life, it's critical to go into the wounds, into the 'dark' emotions, ask the hard questions and shine Light into the parts of your soul that are 'blocked up', 'achey' and 'lethargic'.
I didn't get to where I am by 'stuffing away' my emotions or 'pulling myself together' and 'pushing on'. I'm in a position to offer others support and healing because I've gone to the dark places of my soul. I've sat with Anger, and cried with Grief. I've allowed the 'uninvited tears' to fall down my cheeks. I've punched pillows and thrown my hands up in defeat... And it's all been apart of my healing process. A process that for most people, is not glamorous. It takes commitment and effort.
It's time to take off the band-aids of your soul, and begin to apply healing balm.
If you're ready to step up and put back together the pieces of your life, to heal the wounds, and begin to live in empowerment, please head over to apply for my course, 5 Keys to Overcome Grief.
YOU are worth it. Your health is worth it.
The world is waiting for the fullness of
YOU to be alive and thriving!
In wellness and gratitude,