I heard a friend speak recently about the affects the fear of loss can have on our capacity to gain, and it got me thinking about loss in the context of my work.
When we experience loss, it can often cause a type of ‘contraction’ in our heart and emotions, a ‘closing in’ for protection. This is our natural physiological and emotional response – self-protection. However, it can lead to a perpetuated state of ‘closed-heartedness’ if we fail to acknowledge the areas where we are most vulnerable, and don’t allow our hearts to be open again. We can get stuck in the fear of experiencing loss again, so much so that we reject receiving the people, opportunities and positivity that are coming to us.
When we allow fear to be the navigation controllor of how we operate in life, we set ourselves up for a cycle of pain and disappointment. Fear of the repeated experience of pain is such a common experience for people who have experienced grief. For women who are trying to conceive a child, the fear that is present after a miscarriage is palpable – ‘will I be able to conceive again?’ ‘If I do will we lose this child too?’ This fear is compounded when women experience recurrent miscarriage as well.
When my friend was talking about the fear of loss keeping us from gain, she asked a question that really stuck with me. In essence she said, ‘If there was no possible way you could lose what you are afraid of losing, how would you live?’ For example, if there was no way you could lose the success of a business endeavor, how would you approach that endeavor? Now, some of you may think this is a ridiculous question, as pain and disappointment seem to be inevitable in life. But perhaps we are attached to seeing our lives in that perspective. Perhaps we associate loss with pain and disappointment, and are attached to that as an outcome of that experience.
I want to offer you another perspective. As I’ve said previously, when we re-frame our relationship to Grief, we begin experiencing different results. In my journey of ‘befriending grief’, I moved from a place of uncertainty and numbness in experiencing loss, to a place of seeing grief and loss as an opportunity to receive. I shifted from thinking that grief only brought pain, to seeing the beauty and deep wisdom that grief has continued to bring into my life through. It hasn’t been devoid of pain, but my pain has been transmuted into something I no longer fear or reject. It’s when we are afraid of pain and reject it, that we position ourselves in a place of resistance and struggle.
If you have learned to see pain as primarily something to avoid, if your experience of loss has left you with a sense of despair and a fear of experiencing it again, I am giving you the gift of a FREE Connection Session. I invite you to receive, to honour the pain that you’ve experienced, honour the child that you’ve lost, and take one step towards transforming your pain into an opportunity for wisdom and blessings. Don't let loss rob you of what you can gain.
Letting go of fear and opening to receive,
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