I've been thinking of you...

yellow flower belly.jpg

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month...

and while this type of grief and loss is no longer the main focus of my therapeutic business, it still is such a tender subject for me.

October reminds me that I am a mother in a curious sort of way. It reminds me of how common it is to lose a child, too common. It reminds me of my little one, gone so quickly from my womb.

To all of you who've carried a child that has not lived to wander this realm, to those who chose to terminate your pregnancy, to those who's little one did not live beyond a brief moment, I feel for you.. I cry for you... i'm here for you.

I've been thinking a lot in the past couple weeks about the little one I lost in early 2013, and on Sunday I wrote this poem for my baby. 


I've been thinking about you, 
Little One, gone but not forgotten
You left my womb so quickly, 
but in such a short time left a mark on my heart that's remained these past 4 years,

I've been thinking about you, Little One
What you'd look like now and how you'd say my name, 
I've been thinking of you
And how it would be between your father and me, 
You left my womb so quickly, 
But your mark has remained on my heart

When you've come to me in visions you have golden hair that bounces in soft curls, 
You have bright blue eyes that match your father's and mine, 
I imagine your laugh, infectious and sweet
I feel your arms reach round my neck, the two of us tumbling in weeds,

I've been thinking of you, Little One, 
Gone but not forgotten
Here in my heart as tears stream down my cheeks
My cheeks lifted in a smile at the thought of your face
Your face so round and beautiful
Beautiful, your blue eyes dancing, 
reflecting the galaxies you hold in your gaze

I've been thinking of you
Little One that came to me and left before I knew
Little One that chose me for the briefest of moments
I've been thinking of you
And when I do, I smile
I cry, I feel love for you without even knowing who you'd be

Little One, I've been thinking of you

© Lindsey Stillwell 2017

If you are in need of support, please contact me on steepedinmeaning@gmail.com or take a look at my therapeutic offerings to find a session that supports you. 


With a tender heart,